I'm broke

I have 40 bucks in my account, I maxed out my credit card and I'm jobless. Awesome. This is a realization for me that I need to work and not rely on my parents anymore. I miss that feeling of independence that I had once. That feeling where I was able to go out, do whatever, go wherever and not have to worry about spending my parents money. I hate and have always hated that feeling. I hate it when my friends pay for me too. Money has a way of ruining friendships, gatherings and family.

Good News:

I've had one interview with Panera Bread and have another one tomorrow. I hope I get the job. I'm a little nervous though. I know what it's like to work in the food industry and dealing with people. It's really difficult and no matter how nice you are to some clientele they can be complete douche bags. Killing them with kindness is the best solution.However, working in the food biz can be entertaining. As much as you hate patrons, after they leave, you and your coworkers can vent about it and rip on them. I love doing that. I also love when your coworkers are really stressed out some days and you're able to cheer them up and make them smile. I don't know. That was one of the perks of working in the food industry that I do love. I love the pace, I love the excitement, different personalities working together as a team, and I love overcoming my anxiety.

I think the main focus of my fear is fucking up and not doing what I need to do. My goal with every job I have is to do my absolute best and then some. I remember working at The Bay Club and constantly asking my bosses and other staff what could be done. I didn't like sitting around when I knew there was a task was at hand.

In other news.

I sat in the car with my mom and dad on the way down to Belmont to see my brother's potential apartment he's getting and to go out to dinner. I don't know why but for some reason I felt like I couldn't breathe in the car with them. I wanted to rip my shirt off bang my chest and scream like a guerilla. Is that weird? I go to the the gym for about 2 hours everyday and I still feel like that's not long enough. I felt like I as 16 years old again, unable to take any control of my life.



My parents are in Marshfield for the day and it's fantastic. I have the house to myself where I can relax and not worry about a specific chore. I've been keeping my room very tidy since my mom redecorated it for me. I'm so thankful for that.

Anyways. I'm excited for this new job. I know the people that I'll be working with are nice. They've gone through the same stuff I will be going through so they will be understanding. Sometimes I think the world is out to get me. I need to take a step back and understand that for the most part people are not always like that. That I'm like that.